What my mind is saying is exactly how others treat me.
For the first 24 years of my life, I was mean enough and demanding enough of myself inside that generally people outside of me were nice to me. Then, I think the job got too big for me to handle and I was getting tired when, luckily, I met someone who could help me carry that burden
…cause staying small required me to exert a TON of energy.
He was the perfect reflection of me – he had good qualities but he was almost more brilliantly good at being an asshole to me. Without prompting, he said exactly what my mind was saying inside. Whew, what a relief! I was right! I did suck. Someone else took over part of the responsibility of keeping me small.
At that age, I did not have the insight to see this view that seems SO obvious now. I just heard me and that guy telling me how much I suck. And so it was.
Too loud, talked too much, too fat, not fit enough, not making enough money, too attractive, oh no not attractive enough, you’re going to wear that, etc. He spewed EXACTLY what I was thinking of myself. I did that for another decade. And then, I just got so fucking tired of wasting my energy monitoring myself.
Now, no one speaks to me that way, rarely does someone vibe me with their energy that way. No one treats me that way because I don’t treat myself that way. I am kinder to myself. I like myself more and more. The people in my life are kind, fun, playful, thoughtful, curious and those that weren’t kind of fell away or were specifically asked to leave.
I am curiously aware of what is happening inside. I notice when I fall back into old patterns. So if there is a freak moment when something happens and someone is unkind to me, I put the focus on me and wonder “hmmm, that’s interesting, where am I speaking to myself that way or am I vibing myself like that?” I notice what I am saying to myself, or what I might still believe … even if just a tiny bit.
Look around, pay attention to what YOU are hearing. If the people around you are kind, playful, loving and effusively complimentary TO YOU AND THEMSELVES – fantastic, I bet that is how you treat and talk to yourself much of the time.
If you are married to that ass who speaks rudely or picks on you or you have friends who flake out or gossip a lot, or a boss who is a jerk, or you attract lots of drama or trauma, well, it could be time to be kinder to yourself and simply notice what you are tolerating from those little voices your head that are telling you how much you suck.
The world is a mirror, reflecting back to us exactly what we are feeling inside.
The outside world is a reflection of your inside world.
Choose to be curious,