Bullying myself to succeed is a thing of the past.
Today I felt what a badass I am. We climbed that mountain! (And finished just as a hail storm started!) I’ve done things like this many times in my life so what was different today?
Jeff and I have been talking about challenging ourselves in the past couple years. Being focused and determined. These ideas aren’t things I’ve embraced much, I couldn’t seem to generate mojo around any specific challenges but I really wanted to.
If you know me, I’ve done some hard stuff. I spent years of my life challenging my limits physically and emotionally. I’ve done WAY harder hikes in the Himalayas. Hard is not new nor is challenging. But I had always done it from some variation of “you will suck if you don’t complete this.” I stopped doing that in the last many years. No more self-hatred. But it left a void.
So I’ve been exploring it. And today as I got “almost to the top”, ready to stop, out of breath from the altitude, legs fried from our big hike yesterday I heard “when you think you’re done, you’re only at 40% motherfucker” – this is paraphrased from Living with a Seal by Jesse Itzler.
I started smiling and thinking why would I stop now? Why would I settle? And I kept on until the top.
Between my exploration with Jeff and The Change Militia and reading that book(the Navy seal says Motherfucker like 5300 times in that book but clearly it worked because I hear it in my head all the time now! You’ve got to read it, it cracked me up.), it clicked.
I had to redefine what would drive me and what would motivate me to complete challenges and do the hard things that are rewarding.
Lately, I’ve gotten a grip on it. I was driven today by a desire to feel high and alive when I completed my challenge. I laughed and felt stoked when I decided to do the last leg. I felt my whole energy body expand. I got big and I felt like a badass – because it was all about me doing something for me just so I could enjoy feeling the win.
Choose to be curious,